Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
