whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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