we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
