it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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