So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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