I faked an abortion last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
