The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
