Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
