bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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