also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
