Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
