college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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