her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I look better un-naked...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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