I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Congratulations! We have a period
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