Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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