someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
