So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I faked an abortion last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
