put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
