I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
