dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
