my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
