I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
