he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
