what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
