I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
