don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
