he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
