so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
