I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
