Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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