My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
