i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
