just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
