What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
