i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Don't EVER smell your tampon
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
