You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
