apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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