i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
