Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
