You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
