this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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