Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
