first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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