ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
