im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
