i just wanna soil my oats bro
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
