We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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