I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
