so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My dick has a subreddit
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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