What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
